So here I am
2:36…. Having just finished the movie Superbad
it was sort of funny but mainly just kind-of offensive….
But that’s not the point…. The point is that its now 2:37
And I cant seem to go to sleep….
My eyes are tearing up and I’m not sure why
But I’ll take a shot at explaining….
The people I once loved or thought I loved
Pay me no mind….
Which I am ok with on some points but
Change
Is
Hard…. Plain and simple…
I sit here and think about the things I have done right
The things done wrong …and how I wish that I could
Spend the rest of my life correcting those mistakes….
Scars on my body and heart
Wounds that still have questions attached….
Sometimes I still understand why we go through
The things that happen in our lives…..
Meaningless violence
Meaningless sex
Meaningless self-indulgence….
My body
Your body
Was meant for man than this…
That’s why God loves us
He knows how high we can jump
How far we can run
How much we have hurt
How far we can go in this life….
Sometimes though I want to do things for me…
Sometimes I get too narcissistic for my own good….
But He loves me and always shows me the way….
Here’s a poem I wrote:
The ballad of grey
“Up or down
Cant shake the feeling;
The midnight lights slip
Effortlessly through the blinds.
One
two
three
the joke is still on me
yet these white walls
are the belly of a whale
and my heart says Nineveh is nowhere in sight….
Fall fast to feel the wind
Pass by your face to feel alive ...
I can’t see the son sometimes
Grab hold to let go
Take the horns but no bullshit
Three times over this room is grey…..”
p.s. I will miss you heath ledger…. And also suicide is no joke. If you are depressed or suicidal there is hope. Go online and check out twloha.com. it’s a great website that has plenty of ways to get you help… LoveIstheMovement…..
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Some writings ad thoughts....
My re imagining of the Lord's Prayer (this might be a little sac religious)
"Papa, who is beside me,
I love to say your name.
Love me here as you loved me in the beginning .
Papa I fret, yet provide for me in ways that I need.
Forgive me for hurting you and forgive those that hurt me today.
Keep me away from temptation and pain,
Save me from evil for I am yours now and forever
Amen."
*Sing or rap to some imaginary phat beat* “Here it comes straight from hand and brain, some new thoughts and insights to make ya go insane…”
Ok so maybe I should rethink trying to rap an intro to my blog. I may have just lost a few people with my attempt at becoming the next Kanye West. Ok well I’m neither black nor am I from Chicago, but I do like bright colors like Mr. Kanye.
Anyways, back to the point. So it has been a while since I have written another blog in my series called “Love this side of Heaven”. I knew that coming here to England that I would get a lot of ideas to write about, but I thought that I would wait till I got home to write them down. That changed when I felt this fire in my bones, as the prophet Jeremiah would say. This leads me to the topic of this little blurb of thought, prayer, writing, and even a little freestyle rap. Drum roll please, Hold your breath, cross your eyes and hold on to your small children and animals this weeks flavor to savor is none other than…………(drum roll)… God. Not god or just some man in the sky with an overgrown bully complex, but I’m talking about GOD, The Great I Am, The Alpha and Omega, The I’m the Man because I created the universe and I knew and thought of you before you were even born man.
At this point I have to say that I’m about as close to figuring God out as Central, South Carolina is to hosting the Olympics. With that said, there are some things about God that have really been impressed upon me. God is big enough to hold the Universe in His hands but he is small enough to be grasped by a child. He is big enough to create the world yet He is small enough to wrap His love around a premature baby who is struggling to survive. It is this loving aspect of God that blows my mind. I can run and run and run and run away from God but only to find myself somehow nestled in His arms. At the end of the day He will always welcome me back in with open arms.
Another point that I have learned about God is that He is a very personal and intimate God. It says in His word that He knows when I sit down and when I rise. He is there when I wake up and when I sleep. He is there when I
Cry
Laugh
Dream……
He is there with me at my greatest moment of sorrow and at my greatest moment of bliss. Through all these moments he actually cares about the things that I have to say. He is the greatest example of a friend, an intimate lover, the perfect father, and loving brother that I will ever know.
Having shared those two aspects I would like to leave you all with an analogy. God is like the most brilliant diamond that we could ever imagine. He has an infinite number of facets; each one shining and speaking to us……So go and seek after this most brilliant diamond and you will be surprised with what you find…..
I love you all.....
p.s. check out some sufjan stevens renditions of amazing grace and holy,holy,holy.... they will leave you speechless and in awe of our Creator....oh and guitar hero has been taking up obscene amounts of my time as it should yours.....
"Papa, who is beside me,
I love to say your name.
Love me here as you loved me in the beginning .
Papa I fret, yet provide for me in ways that I need.
Forgive me for hurting you and forgive those that hurt me today.
Keep me away from temptation and pain,
Save me from evil for I am yours now and forever
Amen."
*Sing or rap to some imaginary phat beat* “Here it comes straight from hand and brain, some new thoughts and insights to make ya go insane…”
Ok so maybe I should rethink trying to rap an intro to my blog. I may have just lost a few people with my attempt at becoming the next Kanye West. Ok well I’m neither black nor am I from Chicago, but I do like bright colors like Mr. Kanye.
Anyways, back to the point. So it has been a while since I have written another blog in my series called “Love this side of Heaven”. I knew that coming here to England that I would get a lot of ideas to write about, but I thought that I would wait till I got home to write them down. That changed when I felt this fire in my bones, as the prophet Jeremiah would say. This leads me to the topic of this little blurb of thought, prayer, writing, and even a little freestyle rap. Drum roll please, Hold your breath, cross your eyes and hold on to your small children and animals this weeks flavor to savor is none other than…………(drum roll)… God. Not god or just some man in the sky with an overgrown bully complex, but I’m talking about GOD, The Great I Am, The Alpha and Omega, The I’m the Man because I created the universe and I knew and thought of you before you were even born man.
At this point I have to say that I’m about as close to figuring God out as Central, South Carolina is to hosting the Olympics. With that said, there are some things about God that have really been impressed upon me. God is big enough to hold the Universe in His hands but he is small enough to be grasped by a child. He is big enough to create the world yet He is small enough to wrap His love around a premature baby who is struggling to survive. It is this loving aspect of God that blows my mind. I can run and run and run and run away from God but only to find myself somehow nestled in His arms. At the end of the day He will always welcome me back in with open arms.
Another point that I have learned about God is that He is a very personal and intimate God. It says in His word that He knows when I sit down and when I rise. He is there when I wake up and when I sleep. He is there when I
Cry
Laugh
Dream……
He is there with me at my greatest moment of sorrow and at my greatest moment of bliss. Through all these moments he actually cares about the things that I have to say. He is the greatest example of a friend, an intimate lover, the perfect father, and loving brother that I will ever know.
Having shared those two aspects I would like to leave you all with an analogy. God is like the most brilliant diamond that we could ever imagine. He has an infinite number of facets; each one shining and speaking to us……So go and seek after this most brilliant diamond and you will be surprised with what you find…..
I love you all.....
p.s. check out some sufjan stevens renditions of amazing grace and holy,holy,holy.... they will leave you speechless and in awe of our Creator....oh and guitar hero has been taking up obscene amounts of my time as it should yours.....
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